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June, 2019

John Oliver roasts New Zealand Prime Minister Bill English

John Oliver has lobbed a giant, comedic grenade at New Zealand – or, as he prefers to call it, “wallaby f— island”.
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Australia’s neighbour drew the Last Week Tonight host’s ire after its Prime Minister Bill English remarked that Oliver wasn’t very funny.

The British comedian took no time in firing back, using the most recent episode of his show to label the National Party leader the “very poorest man’s Daniel Craig”.

“Bill English must know the moment he mentioned my name I was going to immediately find the stupidest, most humiliating things about him that I could,” Oliver said. “Because when it comes to Kiwis, Johnny don’t play.”

The comedian then launched straight into a rant where he called the New Zealand PM a “masturbating cyborg”, before mocking an “indescribably lame” exercise video English recently put on Facebook.

In the video, the politician describes how his exercise routine involves walking uphill and running down the “downhill bits”.

“After seeing that, I would give anything for Bill English to make a sex tape,” Oliver joked, taking aim at the PM’s monotone narrating skills.

However, the best was saved for last. Oliver – unsurprisingly – brought up last month’s now-infamous pizza post that generated headlines all around the world.

The post showed the New Zealand PM taking a selfie, along with a snap of some pizzas he cooked for his family with a controversial ingredient – tinned spaghetti.

“I think I speak on behalf of all humanity when I say, no!” Oliver shouted. “Hard no there, Bill. I do not agree with canned spaghetti on a pizza because that is not a thing anyone should be doing. A divorced dad cooking for his kids on the weekend would not put canned spaghetti on a pizza.”

The skit then concluded with Oliver listing several other pizzas English would probably enjoy, including one made with “skittles, baking soda and condoms”.

English has reportedly not seen Oliver’s latest skit, but has said the publicity can only be good for New Zealand.

It is not the first time Oliver has taken aim at the country and its politics. Last year, the British comedian performed a skit involving two giant penises after finance minister Steven Joyce was hit by a flying sex toy during a press conference.

This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.

Cassandra Sainsbury’s fiance arrives at jail with red rose

Accused drug mule Cassandra Sainsbury has been reunited with her family, including her fiance Scott Broadbridge, who arrived at the Colombian prison where she is being held carrying a single red rose.
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The 22-year-old South Australian woman was also visited by her mother, Lisa Evans, and sister, Khala Sainsbury, in a separate meeting at the El Buen Pastor women’s prison in the Colombian capital Bogota on Monday, local time.

It is the first time the former personal trainer has seen her family since she was arrested at El Dorado International Airport on April 12, allegedly with 5.8 kilograms of cocaine hidden inside 18 headphone boxes in her suitcase.

Ms Sainsbury’s family did not speak to waiting media as they arrived and left the prison, after signing deals with separate Australian networks.

Mr Broadbridge arrived in Colombia late last week with a crew from Channel Seven’s Sunday Night program, while Ms Sainsbury’s mother and sister have signed a deal with Channel Nine’s 60 Minutes.

Mr Broadbridge was carrying an overnight bag, a plastic bag and a red rose when he arrived at the prison.

He spent about an hour visiting his fiancee, before Ms Sainsbury’s mother and sister arrived with several bags and spent a similar length of time visiting, according to Channel Nine.

Ms Sainsbury’s Colombian lawyer Orlando Herran also visited her in prison, saying his client was “fine … she is meeting with Scott”.

Ms Sainsbury has denied any knowledge of the drugs in her suitcase.

She has reportedly told authorities that she was tricked and given the headphones by a man she knew only as Angelo or Tom, who had been showing her around Bogota.

The man offered to buy her the headphones cheaply and brought them to her shortly before she was due to fly out, Ms Sainsbury claims.

She said she planned to give the headphones as gifts to friends and members of her wedding party.

Police arrested her inside the airport as she prepared to board a flight to London.

This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.

Cast adrift, clinging to a door, students slam minister

On Monday night, a post-budget edition of Q&A was chock full of big questions. It was beamed to us Live From The Gold Coast, a miracle of science and medicine unimagined by previous generations, but otherwise the answers to modern life were less confidently come by.
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Is the age of entitlement over? (Answer: Depends.)

Are our major political parties the definition of insanity? (Answer: Well, come on now??? how many fingers am I holding up?)

Are governments deliberately targeting young people? (Answer: Pop this apple on your head and sit very, very still.)

And this: how does a cabaret at the Twin Towns Services Club ever end if there is this much recurring applause? It’s a wonder a Roy Orbison tribute band ever manages to finish a show.

“Thank you,” said host Tony Jones early on. “We can’t be clapping every statement.”

Oh, but they could Tony. They could.

There was much applause, and even a bit of lively shouting, by way of a band of student protesters.

Leading the youthful rebellion was Molly James, who wanted to know of Education Minister Simon Birmingham: “While you were at university you were an active student politician who campaigned for fair treatment from government ??? why is it now 20 years on that your view has complete changed?”

Birmingham: “A lot’s changed in the last 20, 30 years. A lot’s changed in the last decade. We’ve seen enormous growth in the number of Australian students going to university???” – and then came the shouting, shouting with which fellow panellist Larissa Waters nodded in furious agreement while issuing a plea to security: “Don’t drag her out.”

This fell on deaf ears; the dragging had already commenced. A second questioner, Bec De Graaf, had a related, omnibus question: “Higher utility costs, more tax, higher health costs, low wage growth and a low exchange rate will ultimately affect everybody.The cost of a degree and lowering the wage level at which it has to be paid back will make the attractiveness of higher education a little lower in a competitive world job market. As a single mum of four children, who I’m trying to encourage to go to university and with me starting university next year, how does this make our already becoming outdated degree seem like a great pathway?”

When this question came to Innes Willox, head of the Australian Industry group, he trod carefully.

“Good on you. Fantastic,” Willox responded to De Graaf encouragingly, no doubt remembering his previous outing on Q&A, on the opening day of last year’s federal election campaign, when he found himself front-and-centre for the brutal pile-on administered to audience questioner Duncan Storrar. Everyone present for the Storrar encounter is older and wiser about the perils of live television now, though the perils of talking about the economic pie remain a trap.

On the notorious night in May 2016, it was Turnbull minister Kelly O’Dwyer advising Storrar: “The critical thing here is that we actually need to grow the pie.”

On Monday night, Willox told De Graaf: “The issue is that our pie is just this big. Our fiscal pie is just this big???. we all wish it would and it could, but to get money it needs to raise taxes and we go back to that circular argument.”

Larissa Waters: “Not corporate taxes in your book. Definitely not those.”

It fell to the final questioner, Joshua Lucey, to most forcefully hammer home the point the students had come to make: “My question to you is, why are you targeting my generation and our desire to – at some point – live the life you have been enjoying?”

In response, Birmingham proffered the Government’s budget measures to help young people save for a house deposit. Labor’s Chris Bowen called that policy plan “a complete joke” and declared: “Young people are targeted by this government.” Willox empathised with the questioner: “I have three kids. I’d rather be 53 than 23. I wouldn’t want to go through that again.”

Questioner Lucey remained unimpressed, delivering the closing reprimand to all of them: “I don’t know what century you think you live in. I think you’re totally out of touch. I would really love to know how much you paid for your degree. Somehow none of you own how much you earn or how much you had to pay for the struggles that we are currently enduring. I have not seen a single politician come out during this budget time and say [what] they’re earning and what they’re taking in by us is obscene and that it’s unrealistic to represent people like us that are struggling so much.”

In essence, Lucey was asking the politicians and business folk: how do you sleep at night?

For viewers trained by A Current Affair to believe that young people on the Gold Coast only prompted this question during Schoolies Week, this may have come as a revelation – and a reminder that the Millennials are also the Titanic Generation: forever wondering why the Baby Boomers cast them adrift clinging to a door, unable to reach a lifeboat, with Celine Dion wailing in the background.

Their hearts, one hopes, will go on.

This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.

Medicinal cannabis works, just ask 12-year-old Jai Whitelaw

Wonderful results: Jai Whitelaw experienced up to 500 seizures a day and had exhausted all traditional medical avenues. Then he tried medicinal cannabis.The decision to include Port Macquarie Base Hospital ina trial of medicinal cannabis has met with a strongly favourable response.
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The trial will include some 80 people and will focus on patients who are suffering from chemotherapy-induced nausea or vomiting.

The year-long trial will get underway shortly.

While there is mainly positive reaction to the decision to broaden the trial from two hospitals to a total of nine hospitals around the state, some sections of the community are concerned the trial is too little too late.

Crescent Head resident Tony Bower is an advocate for the use of medicinal cannabis. He operates Mullaways Medical Cannabis Pty Ltd.

One of his patients is 12 year old Jai Whitelaw from Queensland who was diagnosed with three rare forms of epilepsy as a five year old in 2010.

Jai’s mum Michelle says the government and medical argument that too little is known about the ramifications of using medicinal cannabis are wrong.

“My frustration is that Tony is providing medicine for some 200 sick kids. So, why aren’t they listening to him as the medicine maker,” she questioned.

“We have the very clear medical evidence that Jai is now seizure free.

“Change the laws.

“I just don’t get it. I don’t smoke cannabis. The medicine that comes from Tony’s company is harmless. We are not hurting anyone.

“We are saving our son. He had an expiry date and now he’s exceeded that.”

After exhausting all traditional medical treatments and pharmaceutical products, Jai was ‘essentially discharged from hospital and we were told to take him and just love him’.

In 2012 Jai was in hospital for all but five weeks while the following year was slightly better with him spending a total of 12 weeks at home.

He suffered numerous broken bones as the result of his falls associated with the seizures and his father and siblings have performed CPR on the youngster on numerous occasions.

In 2014 Jai was taking 35 tablets a day and was having up to 500 seizures a day.

“We were told by the medical fraternity that there was nothing more to do,” Michelle said.

Their life changed dramatically when Michelle eventually got in contact with Tony.

She says Tony told her that he made the medicine, did not take any payment and only asked that they document the amount and frequency of the tinctures.

After just the second day of administering her medicine, Michelle says there was a dramatic change in Jai.

“The seizures stopped. He is now, basically, seizure free and is counting up to nearly 700 days free.”

With such remarkable results, Michelle took Jai back to their medical specialists and went through further testing. They came back clear.

“Specialists need the science. So, let’s give them the science. Let’s give them more trials,” Michelle said.

With no hospital admissions for ‘a very long time’ Michelle said her family now has what every normal family has: normality.

Ballarat’s killer chef had mental health problems, inquest hears

Marcus Volke and (inset) Mayang Prasetyo.A former Ballarat man who killed and dismembered his Indonesian partner before taking his own life in 2014 had seen a doctor for anxiety, depression and a sleep disorder in the weeks before their deaths, an inquest has heard.
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Mayang Prasetyo, a transgender escort, was allegedly murdered and maimed by Brisbane chef Marcus Volke at their apartment before he then fled the scene and took his own life in a nearby industrial bin soon after police arrived for a welfare check.

During questioning before state coroner Terry Ryan on Monday, Detective Sergeant Joshua Walsh said Volke had presented to a Newstead-based doctor for mental health issues two weeks before the couple’s deaths in October 2014.

Detective Sergeant Walsh, who investigated Volke’s death, also said police had obtained medical records showing that he had sought treatment at the Ballarat Base Hospital when he was 16 years old.

Before moving to Brisbane, Mr Volke had lived in Haddon and attended Ballarat High School.

He had a keen interest in martial arts and was a member of Haddon’s Damashii Dojo.

Volke had met the victim while working as an escort in Melbourne’s club scene to pay off $9000 in credit card debts, the court heard.

Marcus Volke had a keen interest in martial arts. Photo: supplied.

In her opening address, counsel assisting Emily Cooper said neighbours had noticed a foul smell coming from the couple’s apartment on October 3, a day after they were heard arguing.

Mayang Prasetyo

That same day, Volke presented to Royal Brisbane Hospital for treatment to a cut on his hand, Ms Cooper said.

A manager of the Teneriffe apartment building where the couple lived contacted police on October 4 and reported seeing blood stains and cleaning products inside the unit.

One of the officers who responded to the report, Senior Constable Bryan Reid, said the building manager was concerned something wasn’t right.

“They knew that there was a female that lived there with the man and they hadn’t seen her for a couple days, and there was a foul sort of odour around there,” Sen Const Reid told the court.

“It was a bad smell, it was something I hadn’t smelt before and can’t really describe.”

Police questioned Volke outside the apartment and then allowed him to go back inside to tether his dogs so they could enter.

When he went back inside, Volke locked the door, self-harmed and exited from the rear of the building. He was later found dead inside a nearby bin.

Inside the apartment, police discovered some of Miss Prasetyo’s remains in a black garbage bag inside the washing machine, while her feet were found protruding from a stock pot on the kitchen floor, next to a pool of Volke’s blood.

Readers seeking support and information about suicide prevention can contact:

Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467.

– with AAP